you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
