That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you will always have a special place in my vag
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
