Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
