I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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