your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
