Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
