Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
