So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
