I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
