a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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