now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
