i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
