I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
