I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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