I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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