i just wanna soil my oats bro
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
