can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
