His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
