On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
