At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
