Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
