Only a mothe r could love this liver
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
