Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
