I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
