Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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