it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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