my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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