you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
