return my video game
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
