It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
