just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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