I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just pynch a tree in the face
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
