I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
