Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
