I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
