Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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