Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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