why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
