I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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