A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
