He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
