Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
