Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
this beer tastes like vomit already
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
