nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
