I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
