My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
