State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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