she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
