I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
