I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
