I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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