i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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