Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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