I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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