i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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