I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
