Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
